Just Not My Night

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Or, it’s 2am here, I don’t know how you greet people at 2am… Anyway, story time! 

Today was supposed to be a good day. I watched some TV, called my boyfriend, ordered plane and train tickets to visit him, and then I was supposed to visit a friend who turned in her Master’s thesis today. 

On my way out of the door, however, my beloved Hedwig key chain from the Platform 9 3/4 shop at Kings Cross Station in London, broke. 

And now I can’t get my key back on it at all. I’m considering putting it all in a ziplock bag and taking it with me when I go there at the end of the month, since I only bought it a few months ago, and ask if it would be possible to exchange it for a new one, since I’ve not been abusing it and it just snapped, which it shouldn’t, considering their stuff is quite pricey. Can’t hurt to ask anyway, worst they can do is say no… 

All was well at my friend’s house, we made cupcakes and had a lovely time. She gave me a present for helping her proofreading: a bottle of Riesling white wine with butterflies on the bottle, and three books she knows I’ve been wanting for over a year: The Selection, The Elite, and The One. I’ve read them on my Kindle, but I really enjoyed them and they’re so pretty. I really didn’t expect it – I would’ve been happy with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. But I’m beyond happy with my present! As I was packing my stuff to leave, she asked if I wanted a plastic bag, but I said I was alright because I had my handbag. In hindsight, I should’ve accepted the bag. 

I’d only walked a few houses down her street, when the shoulder strap on my handbag snapped. The bag hit the ground, and the wine bottle smashed, all over the stuff I had in it. Since it was nearly 1am and not a soul was in sight, I left my stuff and ran back to my friend’s house, knocking frantically on her door. I briefly explained what had happened and she gave me a plastic bag. I ran back. My handbag was full of wine and broken glass, but I managed to get all of my stuff out and into the plastic bag. I carried the handbag all the way home, stopped under a street lamp to make sure I’d got all my stuff out, and then threw it in the trash. 

The books my friend gave me were mostly intact – just a little bit of damage to the edges, mostly due to the other wet stuff in the plastic bag, as they had been wrapped in the wrapping paper when the bottle smashed. Everything else, however, was soaked. My wallet, the little bag I keep my most essential essential oils in, a pack of ibuprofen, sunglasses, powerbank (portable charger), and the bullet journal I’ve only been using for a month. My oils were fine, it’s been proven before that it’s apparently not easy to smash Young Living bottles! My compact powder looked completely untouched, I threw out the powder puff thingy though – it was cheap and from H&M so no huge loss there. Everything else has been rinsed out, and I didn’t have any cash, only cards. It remains to be seen if they will work tomorrow. My powerbank will probably need to be thrown out as I’ll need to get a new one, but I’ll consult my brother tomorrow. I once had an iPod that survived a washing machine and worked for years after, so we’ll see. 

Worst off, then, was my bullet journal, especially this week’s spread and next week’s, that I only made earlier today. 

The following two pages don’t look so great either, so I guess I’ll just skip those, or write this story on them, or something. 

The strap of my handbag was already one being shared by two different bags, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it broke. But I guess it was about time to get a new one now, then, anyway. It sucks that I’ll probably need a new powerbank, and that I lost a bottle of wine and one of the two CapriSuns I had in my purse, but my books are okay and and the rest of my bullet journal isn’t so bad – it’s mostly just the few pages around where my pen had been left inside it. My pen still works. Everything else will be fine. Depending on the wine smell, I might need to get a new wallet, but that one was old anyway. 

And I’m okay, and thats what’s important, my boyfriend said. Poor thing, I woke him up by calling him after this happened, and he didn’t sleep much last night or today. I feel bad. But I also feel grateful to have someone like him in my life, someone I want to call while walking home in the middle of the night, being upset and annoyed, carrying a handbag full of broken glass and wine. Someone who answers when I call because they know I’m calling because I need to talk to them. Sure, some crappy things happened in the last few hours, but I also spent it with and talking to wonderful people, and for that I am grateful. 

Until next time, 

~ Julie 

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13 Reasons Why: My Honest Opinion

Hello, beautiful readers! I know it’s been a while… I was unable to finish a post a day for April, but I don’t care too much. My blog is still here, and I know I can write whenever I want to. And there’s no point in forcing oneself to post every day, or on a schedule, if one does not feel like writing. If you don’t feel like writing, anything you write will more than likely turn out like crap, so it’s better to wait until you feel like writing to write, in my opinion.

Yesterday, I watched all 13 episodes of the Netflix original series, 13 Reasons Why. It’s very likely that anything written after this sentence will contain spoilers, so you should stop reading now, if you don’t want any spoilers whatsoever (although, with the Internet being what it is, you’ve probably seen some already anyway).

I watched 13 Reasons Why in one sitting. I started it sometime in the afternoon, and I finished at 1.30am. Naturally, I had breaks to make food and get myself hot drinks and use the bathroom, but I didn’t watch anything else from the moment I started episode 1 until the moment I finished episode 13. I wanted to watch it because I’d seen people tweeting about it, how deep it is, how they couldn’t stop crying at the end of it… So I thought I’d give it a try. Now, you might think that, because I watched it all in one go and didn’t take breaks other than to make food, that I found the show to be so incredibly good.

I did not. I have mixed feelings about the show, actually. I thought it was well made; I kept watching because I needed to know what happened next, whose tape would come up next, why Clay was on the list, when it seemed like he was such a good friend to Hannah, or at least tried to be. He didn’t humiliate her by sending her picture to everyone at school, or publish her writing without her consent, or steal her compliments from her paper bag for revenge. I was glad he didn’t deserve to be on the tapes though. I said I have mixed feelings about the show – I’m not entirely sure I liked it. I don’t think I’ll be rewatching it, at least not anytime soon.

The other students kept saying that Hannah lied, that what she said isn’t what happened. Toni had a good point – she was telling her truth. Because two people can witness a situation and experience it and what is the truth in two completely different ways. That’s why eye witness’ testimonies can be unreliable, right? Every person is different, every person’s mind works in a unique way, making their experiences unique to that person. And everything that happens affects everyone differently. One of the guys, I don’t remember who, said that nothing happened to Hannah that didn’t happen to every other girl in high school, inferring that the people on the tapes can’t be responsible for Hannah killing herself. But Hannah wasn’t every other girl, Hannah was Hannah, and how she experienced these things were different from how other girls did.

I read somewhere that when people kill themselves, it’s not because of one big thing. It’s all the little things, that add up until it becomes unbearable. I know that feeling. You cry, and people ask you what’s wrong, and you say you don’t know because it’s not just this one thing that you can say, it’s many little things, it’s everything. But how people handle it varies from person to person. Clay took a really long time to listen to the tapes, longer than any of the others. Alex listened through all of them in one night, the first time he listened to them. Clay had anxiety. Skye was a cutter. Hannah slit her wrists in the bathtub and died. Alex shot himself in the head but is in critical care. And was it just me, or did Tyler have a gun in his room, at the bottom of that trunk or whatever it was? I remember thinking, “he’s gonna shoot up the school”.

Maybe, to some, this show is deep. I didn’t find it deep. I found it exploratory, in the way that it explored the different ways the mind works. But it wasn’t earth shattering-oh my god this is so deep-deep, not to me anyway. I didn’t cry at the end. I felt sick, watching the suicide scene, but I didn’t cry. The show didn’t make me realize a lot of things. I read a review posted on a Norwegian website, where the author wrote that, at its worst, the show is awkward and full of cliches, but at its best, it is truly heartbreaking. Furthermore, the author wrote that the show is more important than it is good. A little more humor would have been nice, because even at its worst, high school isn’t entirely without it. And the show deals with important topics, such as peer pressure, drinking, sex, sexuality, bullying, and, of course, suicide. But I felt that Hannah was a bit unfair. She says all these people contributed to her taking her own life, that they broke hear heart and spirit and soul. But she couldn’t have thought about what kind of damage she would be inflicting on them by making and sending out these tapes, making each and every one of them listen to them and hear not only what they did but what 12 other people did (well, 11, because Justin had two tapes), threatening that they are being watched and that all tapes will be released to the public if any one of them fails to do what she tells them to. Not her problem, right? Because she’s dead. And you can’t blame a dead girl, can you?

Anyway. I’ve probably rambled on for long enough, so I’ll stop here. Anyone else watched 13 Reasons Why? What did you think? Let’s discuss in the comments!

~ Julie

Tell the people you love that you love them.

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, “Kiss me harder,” and “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the bus is coming.

~ Rachel C. Lewis

This quote was on my whiteboard for a year and a half. Because it’s such a powerfully strong piece of writing. Which is why I wanted to share it with you. Happy Easter!

~ Julie

15 Facts About Me

Today’s post is kind of a lazy one I guess. But anyway. Here are 15 facts about me!

  1. I did an exchange year when I was 17, the 2nd of my 3 years in high school. I went to a place called Lake Stevens, in the state of Washington, in the United States of America. I left on the 19th of July, 2009, and when I came back I left on the 22nd, landed on the 23rd, of June, 2010.
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  2. I took a year off after high school, before I started university.
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  3. During my year off, I went to something called folkehøgskole, it cost me nearly 100.000 Norwegian kroner (largely paid for by student finance) and I studied photography for a year.
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  4. I still love taking pictures; I have a Canon EOS 500D, and three lenses: 18-135mm, 70-300mm, and a 50mm f/2.4 lens.
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  5. I write poetry, sometimes.
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  6. I still have and use the @hotmail.com address that I created at 13!
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  7. I wrote in diaries every day for many years, from my early teens until my early 20s. I started writing less frequently when I started uni, and pretty much stopped about a year and a half ago. I guess I didn’t need to document every aspect of my life anymore, because I found someone I’m gonna share the rest of my life with.
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  8. I studied religions for a year, my 3rd year in uni. We have to choose a one-year study at some point during our bachelor’s degree in my university. I was a bit tired of linguistics and literature at that point, and I chose “the science of religion” because I felt like I didn’t learn enough about the different religions in the world when I was in school.
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  9. I myself am not a religious person, but I find religion fascinating. I especially loved learning about the ancient ones – Norse, Roman, Greek, Persian… And also religions like Hinduism and Buddhism. I think it’s because they’re so different from my culture; my country is mostly Christian, and in school we learned a lot about Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, because they’re so related. I like learning about the ones that are different from these.
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  10. I have about 20 different perfumes, and I use most of them. Some of them are body mists, I wear those a lot on days when I’m just going to uni, wearing everyday or lazy clothes. My most expensive ones are FAME by Lady Gaga and Elle by Yves Saint Laurant, I only wear those for special occasions like dinner parties or when my boyfriend is coming to visit.
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  11. I absolutely love love love owls!
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  12. On July 13th, it’ll be 10 years since the last time I ate meat. It was a Friday, I was in Denmark on vacation with my family. I don’t remember what my last meal as a meat eater was. Probably burgers or hot dogs though, that was pretty much what we ate for dinner that summer.
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  13. I’m an introvert. I’m not good at talking to strangers. If I’m at a table with friends and friends of friends and my friends leave to get a drink, I get incredibly awkward.
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  14. I had long hair until I was 17. Then I had an inverted bob that I kept cutting shorter, and eventually asymmetric, until I was 22. I decided to grow my hair out, and see if I could get it longer AND keep it healthy, because I have a different hair routine now than I did as a teenager. Back then, I washed my hair too often and used cheap products and heat daily. Now, I wash my hair 2-3 times a week, I usually let it air dry, I use salon products and hair oil, and only trim my hair twice a year and it’s still healthy. I cut it last week, hadn’t cut it since late October, and only needed to take off a centimeter!
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  15. I still have a lot of stuff in my room at my parents’ house from when I was a child, and I refuse to remove them. This includes some books (2 sets of Harry Potter books and the Chronicles of Narnia, as well as the Twilight series from when I was a teenager), quite a lot of stuffed animals, and window paintings of the kind that you made on clear plastic and in theory are supposed to be moveable, but they have been there for probably 12-15 years and if I want to remove them I’m gonna need a blowdrier and something to scrape them off with.

 

That’s all for now! Let me know if you want more “lazy” entries like this! I’m also looking for questions to answer, like the 20 Questions Book Tag I did earlier this year, so if you know of any good ones please leave them in the comments! 😀

~ Julie

Things You Should Read

Hello, everyone! Today’s post is kind of different. I wanted to recommend some reading to all of my readers. If you’re not a book-reading kind of person, don’t fret; these aren’t book recommendations. And if that disappoints you – you should read them anyway.

The first thing you should read, is Do Nothing by Markus Almond. It’s about taking a timeout, to take care of yourself. If you like what you read, you should check out his other works, he has published a few books. At the end of last year I read his book These Are The Days, it’s a book of letters to a stranger every day for 100 days, and I really recommend it!

The second thing you should read, is Life Lessons from Mr. Boho Berry. It’s a blog entry, with 8 little things he has learned in life and that he thinks other people should know about. It’s very well written. There were things I didn’t understand or agree with when I read the headline, but after reading the text below it I completely agree with what he said (I’m talking about the no tv in the bedroom one, by the way, haha).

Thirdly, I think everyone should read You’re Allowed to Leave by Rania Naim. There’s a video below the text on that link as well. It’s kind of related to the Do Nothing post, I feel. And it hit me right in the feels right now. No one should feel guilty for leaving something that doesn’t improve their life. Leaving doesn’t necessarily mean quitting.

Lastly, here’s a tumblr blog entry called How To Grow The Fuck Up by user veux3. The link is from my tumblr profile, which I don’t use anymore. This entry contains a lot of links to things I, and many others, feel we should have learned in school but we didn’t. There are 7 categories – home, money, health, emergency, job, travel, and better you. I haven’t clicked on all the links to make sure they work, but I remember reading a few of them a couple of years ago and finding useful things, like how to take care of yourself when you’re sick, for example.

Happy reading!

~ Julie

Post-Holiday Feelings

Good Friday, everyone!

I’m back from my mini holiday. which you may or may not have picked up on me going on, depending on how closely you read my blog. I left last Saturday, and I came back home yesterday (actually this morning at 2am).

Today has been weird. I usually feel weird the morning after coming home from visiting my boyfriend, but this was different, because it was our first holiday away together. We’ve stayed in hotels in London before, and he came to visit me last summer and we stayed in my parents’ house while they were on vacation, but this was our first time going away together, properly.

Being in a long distance relationship isn’t easy. You’d think it gets easier with time, and the being apart thing somewhat does, but the going our separate ways at an airport never does. It’s the worst feeling in the world, going home but not with the one you love. We’ve been doing this for a year and a half now, and I’m getting really tired of it. I just wish we could live together so that at the end of a holiday like this we’d be going home together, not to separate homes. But with how our situations are now, neither of us are able to move so we’ll just have to keep doing what we do and cope with the suckiness of it all.

This post is a little bit all over the place, because that’s how I feel today. I don’t feel like I’ve slept enough. I want a drink. I miss Spain, and Norway is snowy. I feel restless and exhausted at the same time. I miss my boyfriend. I’m having post-holiday depression. I know I need to get back to normal, I have a month to finish my thesis and I have almost everything left to write…

I want to write a post about Alicante later, when I feel a little more normal than I do at this point. But it’s coming!

I want to start blogging more regularly, and in doing so I want to do something my boyfriend suggested, which is this: For a week, I will not post a single thing. Everything I write will be scheduled, a post a day; that way I will create a backlog. It also helps that I have a list of things I want to blog about, that I’ve just written as the topics pop into my head when I don’t have time to write the post itself. Then I will try to keep the schedule going so that I will be posting once a day, and we’ll see how that goes!

How is everyone doing?

~ Julie

Milestones

Hello lovelies! 

I’m writing this from my new phone, the Huawei Honor 8, which arrived yesterday! I will write a reviews of it when I’ve used it a bit more, which was actually requested, and I’m keeping a list in my journal that I write as I go, but I want to use it for a week or two so I have a bit more experience with it, and maybe some negatives will pop up as well, but for now I’m loving it! 

Today I wanted to write a little something about milestones, more specifically about birthdays, which popped into my head while I was on Twitter just now (follow me here). Three days ago, I was exactly 24.5 years old. But it hit me that I more often think of myself as 25 than 24, which is something I’ve never done before. I usually struggle to remember how old I am for weeks after my birthday, but I don’t think that’s be a problem this September. And I started thinking about why I feel this way. 

I think it’s because 25 is a different kind of milestone than other birthday milestones. It puts you exactly in the middle of your 20s, halfway to 50, and you’re done with the first quarter of life (not basing this on life expectancies, just the way I see it). I want to write a list of the different birthday milestones and what they mean to me:

24: not a big one, but to me this marks the beginning of your mid twenties (20-23 being early, 24-26 being mid, and 27-29 being late). 

21: not a big one in my country, but to me this meant that I could now legally drink in the USA. 

20: Finally not a teenager anymore! And for me and my fellow Norwegians, this also meant that we could buy all kinds of alcohol, not just below 22%.

18: this is probably the biggest. You can buy alcohol (up to 22% in my country), get your driver’s licence, vote, and make all your decisions because you are legally an adult! 

16: another not-so-big, but in Norway this is when you can start practice driving with an adult and also get your moped licence. 

13: you’re finally a teenager! You probably wanted for this one for a while, feeling like it took forever to get here, and having already gone through (at least some of) puberty. 

And I guess that’s it for the list. 25 is mostly considered a big day around the world though, I think. But I know a lot of people dread it because it makes them feel old. But it doesn’t scare me – I already feel it. 

What do you think? Got any thoughts to share on birthday milestones? 

~ Julie 

Code-Switching // My Master’s Thesis Project // Sunday Update & Life

Hello you guys!

It is Sunday afternoon here in Norway, and as some of you may know, Sunday is my “get your shit together” day. That’s when I do laundry, change my bedding, sweep the floors, color my eyebrows (because they are practically invisible otherwise), do facials… All that stuff that I never have time to do throughout the week. And I do this on Sundays because I hardly ever make plans for Sundays, and in Norway all shops are closed on Sundays with the exception of some grocery shops, gas stations, and kiosks. Today I also did a little DIY project, which I plan to write another post on later, not quite sure when that’ll be up, but I did take pictures so it’s definitely coming!

However, I wanted to take just a little bit of time writing about what it is that I actually spend my time doing. Previously, I’ve written about the fact that I am in university and that I am writing my Master’s Thesis this semester. But I haven’t really talked about what I actually write about. The answer, as you probably saw before you started reading this, is in the headline of this post, and it is “code-switching”.

So what exactly is code-switching? It’s something I’ve had to discuss in my literature review, which I am sick and tired of writing, which obviously is why I decided to blog about it instead! The easy, simple, answer, which you will find in introduction text books as well as on Google, is some variation of this:

code-switching

Anyone who is in possession of more than one language has the ability to code-switch, regardless of fluency in the languages involved. I decided to write about this because I am a Norwegian person, who speaks Norwegian, but who also speaks a lot of English, due to a number of reasons: I started learning English in school when I was 6 years old, I have lived in America, I study English at university level, and my significant other is from England. So there is a lot of English going on in my life, and it is undeniable that it affects the way in which I speak and write. Obviously, it is difficult to provide an example of the way I speak, but if you heard me speak Norwegian to my friends you would hear a lot of English words and phrases, and often when I talk to my mom on the phone I struggle to find the words in Norwegian so I end up having to say them in English. But I can provide an example of my written code-switching; this happened earlier today, before my DIY project (“DIY” is also the English here, as it is an initialism (not an acronym, as the letters in an initialism are spelled out instead of pronounced as a word) and I didn’t translate it into Norwegian), in the group chat I have with my two best friends, and you can see that I switch to English towards the end of the message:

jeg-cs

I wonder if any of my not-Norwegian readers can understand the rest of that message… let me know, will you? Hint: If it looks similar to an English word, it is probably that word.

So that’s one example of code-switching. Another can be insertion of words mid-sentence, such as the word “whatever” which many Norwegians use as well. So I’m collecting data of written code-switching (also known as CS for simplicity) from the internet and then I’m going to analyze what kind of CS can be found and what sort of identity function it could have for the person using it. The former because it is an interesting thing to research, and the latter because language and identity have always been closely connected and I didn’t want to have just one research question.

So what is it that’s so fascinating about code-switching? For me, it is the fact that many people see it as language decay, or laziness on behalf of the speaker. Many are under the impression that languages such as Norwegian (and many many others) are being cast aside because English is being favored; if you walk down a street in Norway and look in shop windows you will see “SALE” instead of “SALG” when there is a sale going on; it is used a lot in advertisement, news reports… and one thing that my grandfather reacts to, is sports commentators. He says he doesn’t understand half of what some of them say because of all the foreign words. Which of course is really sad. However, for those of us who grew up learning English in school and watching subtitled TV instead of dubbed TV, for those of us who spent our teenage years on the internet, a majority of which can arguably be said to be in English, English is a part of who we are, and many of us would struggle to go through a day in life without using a single English word at all.

Linguists, however, say that CS is not a sign of languages falling apart or one language taking over, or laziness on behalf of the speaker. Bullock and Toribo (2001) states that:

Those with interests in CS behavior range from poets to neurologists, and from parents to politicians. As should be clear, much is misunderstood about CS and those who engage in it. Thus it falls to linguists and to students of linguistics to unveil the nature of CS – its structural properties, its biological underpinnings, and its social meanings – and to communicate their findings to a broader audience (Bullock & Toribo, 2001).

So that’s basically what I want to do with my thesis. Contribute to the library of research that proves that common misconceptions about CS are wrong. I understand that it can be frustrating to those who do not understand one of the languages involved, but people have to understand that languages are dynamic, they are ever-changing, they will always lose something and gain something else. When I explained this to my grandfather, he told me a story from when he was young, and sports commentators would swear a lot, because that was completely common and nobody cared, but then a swearing ban was imposed on the media (he said, I have not fact-checked this), and they were no longer allowed to. So that was lost. And now the language of commenting has gained words and expressions from other languages. Where it will go from here is impossible to stay, but one thing is sure: languages always change. This, too, shall pass (Persian proverb).

All the research done from the 1970s until now including what I am researching might be great and important for a while, but in 100 years it might not matter at all. Kind of makes me wonder why I’m doing it in the first place. But I had to do something, and there are so many interesting things to do in this world, I just had to choose one. Life goes on. I had to do something to get my degree to move on with life and get a job and a house and pets and a family and then one day I’ll lose my job because I’ve gotten too old and I’ll lose my pets too, hopefully not my family, but you never know. And then one day I will be just another body buried in the ground. But that’s true for everyone. And it doesn’t change the fact that while you are on this Earth you might as well make the most of it and try and contribute with something meaningful; Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it’s very important that you do it because nobody else will (and yes, I did get that from “Remember Me”).

~ Julie

It gets better, I promise!

It’s not yet noon and I’m already exhausted. What a great way to start a blog entry, right? Definitely inspires the readers to go on! Bear with me though.

I had a doctor’s appointment today, had to run around to four different pharmacies, and ended up going back home instead of to uni. Now I’m sat, cross-legged in bed, with my laptop not quite balancing unless I keep my hands down, tears are drying on my cheeks. But they’re good tears.

Yesterday I posted the same entry in two different groups on facebook, asking for help managing time and balancing thesis work with taking care of myself (the latter seems to never be prioritized). I didn’t expect much, but I’ve got an enormous amount of response. Some more helpful than others, naturally, but the fact that someone actually sat down and wrote two, three, four paragraphs in response to my post, it’s quite overwhelming. I definitely got a few good tips and tricks that I will try out, starting today, after lunch, which I will eat after posting this entry.

I also wrote a really long ramble in a group chat to my two best friends not long ago. The amount of good words, hearts, and virtual hugs… I almost feel like I don’t deserve it. But when it comes to mental health – I have a history of being a bit destructive. And now it’s affecting my physical health, and possibly my future, so I need to turn things around.

I am, however, the queen of procrastination, so I think before I can do anything, I will have a nap!

~Julie

6.15

I need to find a way to actually get out of bed when my alarm goes off. Actually, I need to find a way to not check my phone and scroll through everything that’s happened on twitter and facebook since I fell asleep. I know the first thing everyone would suggest – to put my alarm away from my bed so that I have to get up to turn it off. I’ve tried that before. Doesn’t go so well. I usually end up going back and sit on my bed anyway. I suppose I could try putting my phone away, since I have a separate alarm clock, but most nights I fall asleep on the phone to my boyfriend and I can’t do that when my phone is somewhere else, so I really don’t know what to do. I’ve even sat and watched youtube videos on how to get up early without finding anything useful.

Writing a master’s thesis is all-consuming. It’s the first thing I think about in the morning. The last thing I think about at night. Sometimes my stomach clenches and I can’t breathe for worrying about this damn paper. And it’s not even like I’m that far behind. My supervisor said he didn’t expect me to start writing until this semester, and I started writing on the 9th of January, the first day of the semester, and I’ve spent 8 days actually writing, which if you think about it means I’ve had normal weekends and one day off writing a week, and I spent most of last week having migraines, and I’ve been to a workshop twice, and at least one day I was working but not writing. I feel like I’m making excuses. But I have nothing to make excuses for.

This morning I was thinking  about this all-consumingness of writing a thesis while attempting to curl my hair or something (the result is debatable, my hair doesn’t take curls very well). How do people do it? How do they live normal lives, with friends and boyfriends and girlfriends, shopping, going to the gym, traveling, enjoying life, laughing… How do they do it, without being sucked into the black hole that is thesis writing, without succumbing to fear, depression, panic… How? I really need to know.